Thank you to all parents who have sent us their experiences.
This is not about one single incident but how I have been made to feel in general by NHS professionals about my vaccination choices for my children. My health visitor and my GP told me that parents who decided not to vaccinate were 'selfish'. The same health visitor suggested that I just let my child have the Polio as it was not an injection and just a drop on the tongue. My GP was very intimidating and insisted on showing me graphs and inferring that I was just another parent who had been influenced by Andrew Wakefield - he made me feel as if I was very stupid. Another doctor warned me that my baby only had to get a cut playing in the garden and she could be dead in 48 hours without the DTP vaccination. The receptionist asked me if my children would be allowed to go to school. On more than one occasion I left the GP surgery in tears, feeling upset and fearful, and then doubting my decisions. I got to the point where I dreaded taking my children to the GP as I knew they would bring up the fact that I had refused vaccinations, even when the reason for the appointment was completely unrelated. My youngest child had to be taken into hospital with pneumonia when she was 6 years old and the GP inferred that it was probably because she hadn't had her baby vaccinations.
My son was taken to the GP by his father. He was a baby, not yet 1, though I can’t remember exactly how old. I had decided he could have the polio vaccine but not the others. His father agreed to go along with whatever I decided as I had done lots of reading on it and he hadn’t. When he got there the GP tried to bully him into having the rest of the vaccines without my consent or knowledge, but he refused. Then the GP said that he would not give him the polio vaccine if he did not agree to have all the others too. Again, his father refused. The GP lost his temper and started shouting at him, slamming his fist on the desk and shouting “It’s a scientific fact!”. I was always slightly proud of his Dad for then shouting back “It used to be a scientific fact that the world was flat but nobody fell off the f-ing edge!”. After that I registered with a different surgery. I think it is relevant to add here that this same doctor was really against me having a home delivery, but I was adamant. When he came to do the GP check right after my son was born he was dying to say “I told you so.” He eagerly looked for reasons to show it had gone wrong, but in fact it had been an almost perfect birth, one of my most treasured experiences, and he was obviously disappointed that it had gone well, which is simply astounding.
The exact date I cannot remember but I estimate my son’s exact age at the time of the incident to have been around 3 or 4.
It was in the A&E department in Stoke-on-Trent. My son suffered from febrile convulsions until he was 8.
It was late at night and we sent for an ambulance. The paramedics were very kind. We got seen quickly in the casualty dept. There was a doctor and a nurse. The nurse stepped in to take details; to fill in a form. She asked about vaccines. I told her my son had only had polio vaccine (like many mums in this situation, it was a question I dreaded). She immediately started telling me why I was wrong and why I should be vaccinating. I told her I had done a lot of research on the subject, and I had come to the conclusion that my son was better off without them. She kept on trying to convince me. When she realised that she could not change my mind she started getting upset and angry with me. I wish I could remember exactly what she said, but it was along the lines of me being disgusting and an unfit mother. She started stuttering and blustering and she eventually cut herself off mid-sentence saying that she could not even look at me. She refused to treat my son and stormed out. The doctor tried to get her to stop, but I got the feeling he agreed with her, though not with her reaction. There was an uneasy silence. He called another nurse to finish taking my details and treat my son. I think he may have apologised for her but he was going through the motions; because it was his job to. I felt really shaken and weird - the intensity of her reaction and her refusal to treat my son. I felt humiliated, like I was a wayward child she had berated and then given up on. She did not even want to be in the same room as us. I was upset that my son had to go through it too. I felt undermined as a parent and I wondered how it came across to him. She treated me as if I was an abusive mother. I disgusted her. I remember being surprised at how deeply it affected me - but I also now know (I did not know it then, I was not yet diagnosed) that I had CPTSD - and looking back on it I can see that this situation triggered me. It came out later - I was really upset when I got home, though it did not fully hit me until then, and it was all tied up and confused with my fear about what had happened to my son (it was not his first convulsion but it may have been the second; they were still new and very frightening). I felt inadequate and shaken and guilty and went through again (as happened several times) doubt and confusion about my choices not to vaccinate. But every time I reviewed my choices I ended up being equally sure it was the right decision for us. I had to constantly re-review my choices and as such I ended up continuously researching and reading about vaccinations throughout my son’s childhood and into his teens. But somehow I also often felt guilty and confused because of reactions like the one from this nurse.
Our first baby, born September 2010. Was booked for homebirth. We were initially advised by the community midwife that it would depend who was on-call when I went into labour whether a homebirth would be supported. Low iron levels from 36 weeks meant I was constantly pressured to change my choice to hospital birth which I refused. I was overdue only 3 days and met with the clinic doctor who tried to force me into an induction which I refused. He provided me with only worst-case scenario outcomes and as I remained steadfast, he asked me to sign a form that the hospital had provided me with the appropriate advice which I had refused. It felt like decisions were made to avoid legal action rather than with due care. I had my homebirth in the end with no problems.
Our second baby, also a homebirth in November 2014. Again we were advised that this would not take place at home if the right mix of staff were not present when I went into labour. At 38 weeks I refused to have test for Strep B. Midwife then told me that I would be responsible for my baby's death if I was a carrier and baby caught it. She then asked me if I was strong enough to make this decision. I've never been so angry with a person in my life. I was totally disgusted. I had to then wait 20 minutes after saying I wouldn't change my mind while she found a form for me to sign to say I'd refused screening and the hospital took no liability. I had a successful homebirth again second time around with no problems.